By Lizette Nsilu
Acquaintance rape, also known as date rape, is a coercive sex act involving penetration without consent, though date rape specifically refers to a rape in which there has been some sort of romantic or potentially sexual relationship between the two parties. Although the majority of cases aren’t reported, this doesn’t mean they’re not happening and having a long term negative impact on survivors. Numerous cases go undocumented and are swept under the rug, mainly due to fears of victim shaming and blaming (especially when the victim knows the other party). As a community, we need to change how we interact with and support these survivors. For example, society needs to stop asking them, “What were you wearing?”, “Why were you there?” and, “Are you sure you said no?” People should stop assuming that just because two people are in a romantic partnership this means consent is automatically given.
I have seen far too many social media posts bashing and disregarding the few women who build up the courage to publicly or privately speak up about sexual violence they’ve experienced. And though I’ve seen it against women of different ages and ethnic backgrounds, I can’t help but notice that the majority of these cases involve Black women in college, like me. Oftentimes, the people who bash these victims are students at the same school. This is absolutely heartbreaking and frightening. Every day, I have to remind myself that I could potentially be a victim. I know that the same people I walk beside on campus or sit in the same classroom with could be calling me a “liar” or telling me “I asked for it” if I choose to speak up against the abuser. This kind of behavior is ENABLING. Enabling often involves invalidating a victim and validating the abuser through gaslighting (i.e., saying that the abuser didn’t do it). This kind of abuse and shaming needs to stop. We must make more of an effort to give dating violence victims a safe space to seek assistance, share their experiences, and begin the healing process without fear of judgment, discrimination or misunderstanding. We can start by collaborating with experts and organizations in the field (Women’s Leadership Project is one of them), fighting for local resources (e.g. spaces for free therapy), involving survivors and allies in shaping support networks, and most importantly educating and spreading awareness to the community with a focus on the youth. It’s important to create culturally safe spaces for survivors in order to help them feel acknowledged and heard. Creating these spaces helps support their mental health and healing journey. It also helps encourage other survivors to come forward about their abuse without fear of judgment and ultimately contributes to a more welcoming and understanding community. By creating and recognizing the importance of these spaces, we’re bettering our communities and providing a beacon of hope for survivors on their journey to recovery which is a win in my book.
